Keeping you in my thoughts, I try to find you in the crowd. When I see someone, I see your reflection in them. Then I just walk away and sit in a corner because I am unable to find you. I am sitting, looking at your friends but you are not there. I think, how many people I only know because of you and they don’t know me. I try to write my feelings down but I find myself at the edge of the unknown.
Remembering the past day, I remember the moment when you passed by me. You were just searching for something, like everyone else. I passed by you, lost in my thoughts and then I saw you there. I failed to build any courage to talk to you and subconsciously decided to walk away. “So that’s how two people cross each other’s path”, I thought at night.
Sometimes I wish that I should have found you in the very beginning. May be I should have told you that I have read a lot of stories about love and I don’t like them at all. In real life, we are all searching for each other. And in case we find the love we are looking for, we lose our ground.
And I have seen hunger for human relationship in the eyes of almost every person. People build bridges and then burn them. Always remember, you are wrong if you think that joy of life primarily comes from human relationships.
We are all at the edge of the unknown. And it kills the reason to live. Human life cannot be characterized by reason and it loses its purpose if you do so. And when I stop writing, I feel that you are around me. And I should confess I hate you. But you have taken a place in my mind and what is in my mind always remains with me.
And I know the feeling when you think of putting an end to yourself. You cannot do that. Because there is an unseen, undiscovered journey ahead of you which you cannot end based upon the judgment of your feelings. Sometimes, a heart with capability to feel is just a poor belonging in this world and sometimes this poor belonging becomes the most precious thing in your world.
“Yeh pyaar vyar kuch nahi hota. Sab kuch dhoka hae, nazr ka, dimagh ka. Our hearts can’t think,” I think as I gather my things. But deep inside once again I am feeling helpless as my soul sinks into thoughts of you, a dream unfulfilled.