2:11 am - Sunday February 18, 2018

The So Not True Story



This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events or individuals (either living or dead) is purely coincidental…

Once upon a time, in a metropolis of Gucci, there lived an innocent and imbecilic yet handsome, dashing, charismatic,…, angel eyed boy named RIM. He was living a subtle and happy life and was content with what he had. Like all the other kids of his age group, he loathed his educational institution or for that matter any other organization that in any way tried to subdue his free will or freedom of choice. He was a rebellion at heart. From the very start he had been fed with the idea of a better life in University which was his sole motivation to study hard for the exams. He wanted to get into a good University so that he may live his life to the full and do all the fun things he had dreamt of.

It so happened that one day while watching LEO with his family, he got captivated by the news of a Pakistani university getting ranked among the top 400 universities of the world. The news was able to grab his attention for its irony. He was confused over whether he should feel proud of the university’s achievement or whether he should feel sad that even at their best, Pakistani universities are still worse than nearly 300 other institutions. Anyhow he made up his mind that when the time comes, he would apply for that University.

The next week, he got abducted by a bunch of rogue aliens who performed all sorts of hideous experiments on him. When he was of no use to them anymore, the aliens returned him to Earth. By that time he was 17 years old. As soon as he got back, the government, in order compensate for tyrannies of the aliens laid before him 3 files labeled Plan A, B and C and asked him to choose anyone of them. Upon inquiry, they told him that these the plans for his higher education, among which one was a pretty awesome plan, one was just mediocre and one was a piece of crap (shit).

Since flipping a coin was redundant in the given scenario, the boy decided to study those plans thoroughly. One of the plans detailed of sending him abroad for higher education. Since the boy was, well, just a 17 year old boy, he was quick to refrain from the plan because he could not even imagine surviving on his own in a new and unknown country (he forgot how, after a while, he was able to befriend a few of those aliens). Plan B was regarding sending him to a small institution called GEEKY high up in the mountains of Jhoupri. But there was a catch. The institution, at that time, was dangerously close to the area where a battle was being waged against a group of individuals who were staunchly in favor of banning a gesture made by humans in a state of joy (tali). The boy, who was scared of bloodshed, rejected Plan B without even giving it a second thought.

The last plan, Plan C, was quite intriguing. It was about sending him to a university called BURST. The name had a nostalgic effect on the boy, as if he had heard of it before. Nevertheless the mysterious university seemed to be quite a decent choice. Since it was highly regarded (internationally, maybe by aliens) and since it had such a low acceptance ratio, it presented itself as the most obvious choice. Moreover one of the colleges of the University was located in the city of Gucci which meant that the boy could live with his family. Overlooking the fact that the college was being administered by a bunch of Gravy loving guys, the boy chose Plan C.

Even after wearing a crappy uniform for nearly two years, even after waking up early each morning and then sleeping while standing in the morning muster for nearly one year, even after wasting away precious hours of youth attending classes of teachers who are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them*, even after paying a fine of 500Rs for shoes that were clean but not polished, even after bearing the sight of students who are paying a lot less fees only because their fathers love gravy, even after being forced to attend guest lectures one has no interest in; the boy, who has now become a man, still thinks that  Plan C was awesome. This brings us to the writer’s proposal of sending RIM to a mental institution because clearly he has lost his mind…

*The phrase “Some people are living only because it’s illegal to kill them” is either coined or plagiarized by one of my friends, who is a genius.

Filed in: Expressions

13 Responses to “The So Not True Story

  1. February 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm #

    hahaha….interesting tale of ‘RIM’ (was his second name “haq”? 😛 ) ….loved your metaphors XD : “Gucci ,aliens, Geeky, and Gravy lovers? *ROTFL 😛 *”… 😀 it’s like I know your bio indirectly *in a really non- boring way 🙂 *…. regards.

    • February 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm #

      Zainub, the second name of RIM is actually Blackberry…:)…Now that I come to think of it, its actually a dangerous joke, u know that Blackberry is brand owned by RIM(Research In Motion), right?

  2. beenosis
    February 5, 2012 at 10:15 pm #

    Hey ‘sarim the haq’ 😀 your story was intriguing and funny. 🙂

  3. Oneeb
    February 5, 2012 at 10:32 pm #

    first i laughed…..then i felt sad……but now i feel content because i know im not alone.

  4. beeno
    February 5, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    i think a lot of people can relate to this story (including me)…….very well written….u made a sad story funny.

    • February 6, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

      really oneeb??did you actually think that you could get away with writing your name in reverse order?

  5. February 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm #

    yeah! a horrible 1! u can sued! 😉

  6. February 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm #

    n I wasn’t relating it in this way! have to re-comprehend it. 🙂 it’s really like exploring while coming across your blog! *I’m a fan* 😀

  7. February 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm #

    and…i meant u can BE sued* 😛

  8. Sandman's favorite client
    February 7, 2012 at 1:34 am #

    I loved gravy, until I tried the one they make at BURST

  9. February 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

    sandman’s favorite client, one of the most the most random name ever!!!!

  10. Muster Ground
    February 18, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

    I’m out of business 🙁

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